War of the Pastries
by XxEijibabyxX
Summary: Short Crossover between Deathnote, Naruto, and Family Guy.
1. Let the war begin

War of The Pastries

By: XxEijibabyxX

"Gaara you ate all the cookies _AGAIN_? I just went shopping!!" Temari screamed at her little brother as he walked towards the front door. "Oh what so I suppose you are just going to ignore me right?" The red headed ninja turned around and looked at her.

"Actually, I am going out to get more." he said. And with that, he left. As he started heading in the direction of the grocery store, his older brother stopped him.

"Hey Gaara go get me some pocky will ya?" Kankuro called out from the second story window. Gaara -aka- Cookie Monstah simply looked at him and then continued on his way, knowing that he would never do what his brother had asked. As Gaara was walking to Walmart (yes that is the grocery store now in Sunagakure), he noticed that a new store had gone up at the end of his street. He was supposed to turn left now and go down another road, but his curiosity got the best of him...again. From where Gaara was standing, the lettering on the store was unclear to read. The only thing he could tell was that it was in cursive. He approached the store and stared at it from the outside. There were food items all around the writing. They were pastry items like cookies, cake, ice cream, and other things of that category. He now looked at the writing again to find that the store was called "Yagami Pastries".

Completely forgetting about Walmart, Gaara slowly pushed the door open and stepping inside. He started walking around, staring at all the cookies and desserts that were available. Behind a window in the back were all different kinds of cake, cupcakes, and pies. In the front of the store, behind the counter where you pay for all of your things, stood a tall boy with brown hair and he was wearing a geeky outfit. Gaara glanced at him quickly then turned away to stare at all of the desserts once more. He pressed against the window, face and all. When he turned around again, the boy was inches behind him, this time holding some glass cleaner and a roll of paper towels.

"Hello sir may I help you?" He asked wiping the fingerprints that Gaara left on the window.

"Uh.. No just looking. Who are you anyway?" Gaara asked. The boy turned and gave this creepy looking smile as if he had just killed somebody.

"The name is Light Yagami and I own this small store. Who the hell are you?" He asked holding out his hand. Gaara backed up about two steps.

"Gaara of the sand. I think I'd better be leaving now." Gaara replied.

"I won't let you leave until you buy something." Light said still wearing that creepy smile. Gaara decided that since this jerk wouldn't leave him alone, he bought some cookies, although they were a little bit pricey. As Gaara headed for the door to leave, a really really REALLY fat lady walked in. She was shorter than Gaara with short black hair and big thick rimmed glasses. She was really fat like ten watermelons put together in her stomach area, but she had some chicken legs. It also looked like her stomach and her boobs were connected. She smiled just like Light had, but the smile didn't seem to disappear...at all. Her eyes were HUGE too!

"I thought I told you to leave and never come back!" Light said. There must have been some sort of incident earlier because he looked very annoyed with the middle aged lady. She walked over to the shelf, grabbed a box of chocolates, put them in her purse, and started to leave. "WHAT THE HELL LADY I SAID LEAVE AND PUT THE DAMN CHOCOLATES BACK!!" Light shouted.

"I'll stop her," said Gaara "SUPER ULTRA MEGA SAND COFFIN!!" he said. That was just enough sand to fit around her because like **DAMN** she was fat. Gaara started to head home. He would have to visit the pastry shop another time.

_Meanwhile at L's residence_

L -aka- Elmo was sitting at his computer, working on another case. He was very close to solving it, but then he heard a faint growling noise. "Getting kind of hungry..." he said, standing up. L would need sugar -aka- crack to continue working so he decided that he'd try that new store that just went up around the corner. His friend Light owned the store and after all, it was all L's idea. There weren't enough stores that sold pastries. Walmart wasn't any help either because there were too many people that open all the crap before they buy it. There were never any kind of pastries that L liked from Walmart anyway. They never had his favorite kind of shortcake. Also, the fruit from walmart was all rotten, including the apples so both L and Ryuk could not get fruit there either.

The citizens of Sunagakure stared at L as he was walking down the street. They thought he was weird, an outcast. It was probably because he just looked different but L didn't care. He rolled with his own style. They also knew not to come near him or he would kick them in the face like he did to Light in that one episode (heh heh heh...that was the best freaking episode). L only did that once to a shinobi who was trying to ambush him, and it happened to be right in the middle of the busiest part of Sunagakure, in broad daylight. L looked around for any stores that might sell crack. There weren't many that sold pastries except for Walmart, where he was definitely not going to go. He came up to Light's store, and walked inside.

"Hi L. I think I know why you are here. They are in the back." said Light. L waved and went to the location that Light was talking about. Since Light and L were friends, L was aloud to go behind the counter and get what he wanted. He took half of the short cake, then he went to the freezer and grabbed three containers of ice cream. Walking up to the front counter where Light was, he noticed a fat lady in the middle of the candy aisle. It was the same lady that Gaara had seen before but L didn't know that. He simply passed the lady and walked up to Light when Light pulled out a shotgun.

"I thought I told you to leave dammit!!" He said aiming at the lady who we will now call Stoboob lady (since her stomach and boobs are connected). L watched as the lady tried desperately to run. She started sweating after almost two feet. Finally she left, dropping what she tried to shoplift in the middle of the floor. L said goodbye to Light and left. Hopefully he would never have to encounter that lady again.

_A few hours later..._

"Gaara I am going to fucking kill you!" Kankuro yelled. He was mad because Gaara didn't pick up the pocky for him.

"Go get it yourself catman." Gaara said eating the last of the cookies that he had bought only hours ago.

"YOU ATE THEM ALL AGAIN?" Temari asked staring angrily at her little brother.

"Don't worry I will go back and get more." said Gaara. He didn't seem to care. It was like he thought that cookies would grow on trees or something. Temari stopped him as he walked out the door.

"Gaara no it is late. Go tomorrow or something. We will go with you then." Temari said. Gaara simply turned away and walked out the door. "I swear is he fucking deaf?" Temari asked looking at Kankuro. He shrugged and went back to his room. It was getting dark out and now it was more difficult to see. Gaara was wondering if he was going in the right direction to the pastry store. Fortunately, the lettering was lit up in bright, neon colors. It really looked snazzy and stood out from all of the other run down stores. Gaara once again walked in cautiously. He wanted to avoid Light and Stoboob lady if she was there as much as possible. Other than himself, Gaara saw another person looking at the cake and the ice cream. He was a little disheveled, with black hair and black eyes. His outfit was really plain. It was just jeans and a plain, white long sleeved t-shirt. The boy was really eyeing up the shortcake. It was the last one after all. He already had three containers of ice cream in his arms. Gaara decided that he would try that another day. He was only here for cookies. For a moment though, he took a look at the shortcake while standing at a distance.

The cake was ornate with chocolate and strawberries. There were even pieces of what seemed like four different kind of cookies on top. Gaara couldn't see the filling, but from the outside which was covered in vanilla icing and chocolate creme, he could tell that the cake was vanilla. On the plate around the cake, was cinnamon. It looked so nice, that Gaara almost didn't want to eat it. He saw the other boy walk behind the counter. What could he possibly be up to? Was he going to take the cake? It was the last cake in the whole store. The customers from earlier must have bought all the rest. Gaara recalled watching people walk in and out of the store all day. This was his last chance and he had to think fast.

"Hey you." he said suddenly. Gaara didn't mean to say that but it slipped out. The other boy looked at him suspiciously.

"What?" He asked reaching for the cake.

"Are you going to buy that?" Gaara asked glancing back and forth between the boy and the cake.

"Yes." He replied. He was about to pick the cake up when Gaara interrupted his actions again. He moved closer to the counter.

"State your name." Gaara said. He really didn't mean to say that either, but now that he thought about it, he wanted to know the name of the one who was trying to steal his beloved cake from him.

"Ryuzaki" L lied. Even though he didn't think that Gaara had any suspicions that he was one of the world's best detectives, he still wasn't going to tell him his real name. L was going to go for the cake again, when he noticed that Gaara was now right next to him also reaching for it. "Dude stop it's mine." L said.

"No I want it!" Gaara said. He sounded like a child who wouldn't share.

"Well I was going to buy it first!"L said. He was right. He was going to buy it first until Gaara interfered. This fight was going to heat up fast. And my conclusion with this chapter:

Let the war of the pastries begin.

A/N: Ok first of all I was writing this because I love cake, I love Gaara, and I really love L. One of my friends and I were talking about this today and I decided to write what we were talking about. Incase you all are wondering, Stoboob lady is real. I am not even lying she is one of those teachers that helps out at our school. Yes people, be afraid. Be very afraid.


	2. The conclusion

As I said in the last chapter: Let the war of the pastries begin.

And so it was on. L and Gaara exchanged evil glances back and forth. Light wasn't involved in their fight, he didn't even try to stop them. Actually, he was standing at the front of the store, peering out the window, holding his shotgun close. He was keeping an eye out for stoboob lady, incase she decided to come back. Infact, Light even locked the door. Meanwhile in the back of the store, both boys decided to go for the cake simultaneously. They pushed each other while reaching for it. One had half the cake in one hand and the other was holding the other half of the cake (the cake is not in half it is still together but they both are holding it). As they stumbled toward the front of the store, Gaara tried to trip L to see if he would let go of the cake. Instead they both tripped and there went the cake. It was on it's own with no support in mid air, heading straight up and probably straight back down.

The two jumped trying to catch the cake. Of course L had an advantage for he was much taller than Gaara. They missed and bumped into each other. The cake came back down and landed on their heads. It was all over the place. The creme, the chocolate creme! And the strawberries that L liked so much. The filling which they now found out was chocolate was splattered onto their clothing. Then they looked at each other one more time.

"YOU!" They said in unison pointing to one another. "YOU RUINED MY CAKE NOW DDDIIIEEE!!" We are now going to refer to these two as Cookie Monstah (Gaara) and Elmo (L). They fell on the ground, struggling, punching and kicking one another. Light was still looking out the window when Cookie Monstah and Elmo suddenly fell through, still locked together. The window shattered into tiny pieces. Light's mouth dropped open wide. He worked so hard to design that window and now he would have to make a whole new one. Stoboob lady "secretly" climbed through. There was no point in trying to hide it because she was the most noticeable thing there. She barely got through the glass, avoiding all sharp edges. It probably wouldn't effect her anyway since she is so fat. She probably would not even feel it. Struggling again to run toward the candy aisle, Light ran after her.

"COME BACK HERE YOU THIEF!" He screamed.

Meanwhile outside Elmo and Cookie Monstah were still going at it. They were pulling hair and grabbing objects for weapons. Cookie Monstah almost impaled Elmo in the head with a large and sharp piece of glass from the pastry store window. Elmo picked up a metal bat on the side of the street where a few children were playing that afternoon and started beating on Cookie Monstah with it.

"Screw this I need to use sand coffin!" Cookie Monstah said to himself. He quickly realized that his gourd was missing. Turning around, he saw that someone was carrying it behind a building. Was it a baby?

"Heh heh heh..." said Stewie (from family guy). "What? I like seeing them struggle for victory...WORLD DOMINATION IS MINE!"

A car was coming down the street (there are cars now in Suna thanks to me). Cookie Monstah and Elmo were laying in the middle of the street. They noticed the car, both stood up, and ran toward it. They jumped on the hood, then on the roof. There they started punching each other. A little bit of blood dripped down from L's mouth. There was a scratch on the side of Gaara's pale face that also started to bleed slightly. The car stopped at some train tracks (which are also in Suna because of me). A train passed by. Now the boys went from car surfing to train surfing. They fought all the way to the second to last train car. Passengers inside the train looked puzzled as they heard the foot steps and noises that came from above their heads. They heard muffled cursing, but not much. It was mostly Cookie Monstah. Parents were covering their kids ears when they did that anyway. There were also a few muffled comments. People heard things like "I hope you die you lint licker!" and "You started it you cake stealing racoon!" At one point while fighting they got into a yo momma fight.

"Yo momma is so ugly that for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!"

"Yo momma is so old one of her animals was on Noah's Ark!"

"Yo momma is so dumb she ran into a parked car!"

"Well yo momma is so dumb she got a part time job painting skittles!"

The fight went on for about five minutes. The train stopped, then so did the banging and voices. Passengers who were onboard fled quickly from the train. They were eager to get home get away from all of the weirdos who were out on the streets at night. Cookie Monstah and Elmo took their fight onto a nearby building. Cookie Monstah made Elmo fall back almost over the side. The building wasn't very high up but if you fell, there was a 99.9 percent chance that you would end up in the hospital or dead. There was broken glass all over the ground below. It looked like someone broke a beer bottle...probably this kid Alex that I know. Cookie Monstah pulled Elmo back up away from the edge before he fell and had a fatal accident.

"Hey, you actually helped me?" Elmo asked looking at Cookie Monstah seriously.

"Yea..." Cookie Monstah replied. There was a long silence. Then...

"BUT I STILL HATE YOU!" They both yelled simultaneously. The fight continued down a ladder on the side of the building. They knocked over a few trash cans and accidentally kicked a cat when they reached the ground. Coming out of the ally, they stumbled upon a restaurant. Both boys stopped and looked at each other.

"...Why are we even fighting?"Elmo asked.

"You know, I totally forgot." Cookie Monstah replied. He laughed to himself.

"I don't know what was it..uhh something about a uhh...cake right?" Elmo asked. He smiled and laughed a little too.

"Was that what it was? Gosh we were fighting this whole time you know? Hey you wanna get something to eat?" Cookie Monstah asked pointing to the restaurant.

"Yeah." Elmo replied. Inside they were eating and talking about things that were going on in their lives. Elmo explained that he was in Sunagakure to solve a case about some shinobi. Cookie Monstah told him that he was infact a shinobi and could help him but Elmo insisted that he work alone, for Elmo does not like to lose to anybody. Besides, he was so close to finishing the case. When they were done eating, the waiter placed the bill on the table and walked away. Both boys reached for the bill at the same time. Each was holding an end of the small piece of paper.

"I got this."Cookie Monstah said.

"No, please let me get it." Elmo said.

"Ryuzaki I said that I would take care of it now let go!" Cookie Monstah yelled. The very few people who were there were beginning to stare at them. They were wondering why Cookie Monstah of all people was there. The whole village knew that he never left his house except for going on missions and going out to buy cookies, but that was it. They were also curious about why he was with that other boy, Elmo. The third thing is that their clothes were ripped in several places, both had scratches and bruises all over, and L had one black eye. So did Gaara but you couldn't really tell since the thick black rings around his eyes kind of covered up most of it. There was dry blood on their faces and some of their knuckles were bleeding too but not much. Elmo threw twenty dollars on the table and kicked Cookie Monstah in the face with that martial arts kick that only he knew and that the whole village knew to stay away from him for. They fell through the window of that restaurant too.

Fighting back and forth down the street, throwing punches again and trying to kick each other especially in _**that **_area to see if one or the other would fall, they continued the fight. A business man was walking down the street. Adult's usually got done work around that time so there were people heading home. Cookie Monstah tried to bite Elmo but bit the business man in the arm instead. He let out a cry of pain and then ran away. Elmo pulled on some ladies hair by accident. It turns out she was wearing a wig and so he quickly threw it at her hoping she would catch it. There wasn't time for aiming or apologies. By the time that they started to let up on fighting, they were right back infront of "Yagami Pastries" again. The inside was totaled as well as the window they broke earlier. This time Light wasn't there. The door was half open. He must have chased Stoboob lady out or had her arrested. The two sat down against the wall and took a moment to breathe and regain strength. Stewie still had Gaara's gourd. He was sitting on it, watching the fight from the top of the Kazekage's house, in the middle of the village. Stewie was planning to "meet" the Kazekage afterwards. He had an evil smile on his face but no one suspected him. They thought that he was a cute little baby just wandering about.

The cake still remained splattered on the floor. Both boys decided to share a cake when the store got more in, if they ever did. It looked like the store was going to be going under remodeling, which Elmo and Cookie Monstah were planning to help Light with the next day. They left and went their own separate ways. Stewie watched them.

"Yes this was most entertaining." the little baby said to himself. "More entertaining than that vile woman Louis. Ugh God just the thought of her sickens me..." The village was finally back to normal, and Kankuro still didn't get his pocky. The war was finally over.

_After the war..._

Stewie: So did you like the story. Yes, you better have! I WAS IN IT YOU KNOW! Don't give me that look. You suck!

_Fin_

A/N: I know it wasn't that good and I based it off of that fight that Peter had with the chicken from family guy but hey, Stewie was in it. Even though he isn't in an anime, I had to include him in something. He's just too cute and evil to leave out.


End file.
